It’s almost time to say those dreaded words. But let’s save it for the next post. I want this post to start off with a warm Happy New Year! I wish the greatest year for all of you. Now let’s talk about my 2018. Honestly the one thing I remember in February is getting my best friend’s birthday date wrong. My OCD/anxiety got really bad about fall of 2017 and it basically tortured me all through 2018. But enough of that let’s get on with this!
March/April/May of 2018 I honestly do not remember much. It was such a bad year my mind has decided to erase most of it. But let me tell you what I do remember. Sometime during one of these months I got horribly sick. Correction my older sister got horribly sick. Me being the one person who catches everything got it almost two hours later. I posted the story I would put the link here but I don’t know how to anymore. What I do remember is my two dog’s birthdays in those two months and I made sure to be there on their birthdays and make them feel extra loved.
We were forced to go somewhere and when we were celebrating it we were all fine. Then later one of my older sisters gets sick. She is going to the hospital and I am alone in the house feeling fine. Then I start feeling the way a panic attack starts for me. I often get a queasy taste in my throat. Soon I found myself in the bathroom. I was also checking my blood sugar because I had dropped a few times. I was treating my low blood sugar and it wasn’t working. I did my glucose tablets, apple juice, ginger ale, and nothing stayed. Soon I joined my sister in the hospital with blood sugar of 33 and quite a bad stomach bug. I personally believe it was food poisoning.
Soon after that episode I found myself back in the hospital. Why? I blogged about this During a shower I slipped on shampoo and cut my right eyebrow. That was the first time I saw a bathtub full of red water. I had a full blown panic attack right then. But what else is new? I did have a full on panic attack in the hospital the entire time. Oh yes my brother and his wife had their baby I was having a full blown panic attack as always but I went. June/July/August I vaguely remember going to ESY and I really don’t remember it at all except celebrating my birthday and my friend Tafara’s birthday at Eatin’ Park the only reason I probably remember that is because I got to eat chicken nuggets, fries, and later a Smiley. I completely forgot about the fantage shut down.
September/October/November/December September of 2018 was pretty decent until a horrible thing happened in our family. We had to put down our blind beagle down and I took it pretty hard. Why? Let me tell you something. I was the one who had convinced my dad to get a beagle. It was me who started the whole journey. I played with him every chance I got and he was the one who made me extremely happy. I have two childhood dogs or had or at least grew up with childhood dogs and love them both. I have always considered them part as our family. Yes I am one of those people who believe animals are people too. Once we got our first dog I never left his side. Our beagle wasn’t always blind he started going blind around the same time my brother and his girlfriend (wife now) were having their wedding. I cried because I knew what that meant. My aunt chose to put him down because he was getting pneonmia. I probably spelled that wrong. RIP Chuckie a nutball beagle 11 years old 8-24-18. What’s sadder is that his birthday is fast approaching and he’s not here to celebrate it. On a lighter note the rest of the months basically went by in a whirl. I just remember constant anxiety, increasing my medicine constantly until around October it settled down. It peaked again and then stopped. It will peak at times but I feel better now much better than I ever felt basically in my entire life. Oh yes there was a shooting in my neighborhood on October 27 2018.
Now let’s get to 2019. I had a rough start to 2019 with a realization that it was the first year I didn’t have the Fantage Ball drop to go to. But I didn’t realize that until later. 2019 has been overall a great year. My New Year’s Resolutions:
- Get back to the feeling that I had after I graduated from the OCD clinic and ignore it as much as I can.
- Work on my writing.
These are the only two I have come up with. That’s enough for now! What’s your New Year’s resolutions?
I can’t wait for 2019 to unfold!
PEACE
